Salvete omnes, Today's offering is the first act of Plautus' "Asinaria." Enjoy!Optime valete,Artoria Marcella ASINARIA: THE COMEDY OF ASSES
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
LIBANUS, slave of Demaenetus.
DEMAENETUS, an old gentleman of Athens.
ARGYRIPPUS, his son.
CLEARETA, a procuress.
LEONIDA, slave of Demaenetus.
A TRADER
PHILAENIUM, a courtesan, daughter of Cleareta.
DIABOLUS, a young gentleman of Athens.
A PARASITE.
ARTEMONA, wife of Demaenetus.
Scene:--Athens. A street running in front of the houses
of Demaenetus and Cleareta: between the houses is a narrow
lane.
PROLOGVS
Hoc agite sultis, spectatores, nunciam,
quae quidem mihi atque vobis res vertat bene
gregique huic et dominis atque conductoribus.
face nunciam tu, praeco, omnem auritum poplum.
Kindly give us your entire attention now, spectators: I
heartily hope it will result in benefit to me, also to you,
and to this company and its managers, and to those that hire
them. (turning to a herald) Herald, provide all this crowd
with ears at once. (the herald proclaims silence)
age nunc reside, cave modo ne gratiis.
nunc quid processerim huc et quid mihi voluerim
dicam: ut sciretis nomen huius fabulae;
nam quod ad argumentum attinet, sane brevest.
Enough enough! Sit down--and be sure you put that in your
bill! (to audience) Now I shall say why I have come out
before you here and what I wished: I have come to acquaint
you with the name of this play. For as far as the plot is
concerned, that is quite simple.
nunc quod me dixi velle vobis dicere,
dicam: huic nomen Graece Onagost fabulae;
Demophilus scripsit, Maccus vortit barbare;
Asinariam volt esse, si per vos licet.
inest lepos ludusque in hac comoedia,
ridicula res est. date benigne operam mihi,
ut vos, ut alias, pariter nunc Mars adiuvet.
Now I shall say what I said I wished to say: the Greek
name of this play is ONAGOS: Demophilus wrote it: Maccus
translated it into a foreign tongue. He wishes to call it
THE COMEDY OF ASSES, by your leave. It is a clever comedy,
full of drollery and laughable situations. Do oblige me by
being attentive, that now too, as in other days, Mars may be
with you.
ACTVS I -- ACT I
ENTER Demaenetus, FROM HIS HOUSE, BRINGING Libanus.
Lib.
Sicut tuom vis unicum gnatum tuae
superesse vitae sospitem et superstitem,
ita ted obtestor per senectutem tuam
perque illam, quam tu metuis, uxorem tuam,
si quid med erga hodie falsum dixeris,
ut tibi superstes uxor aetatem siet
atque illa viva vivos ut pestem oppetas.
(very solemnly) As you hope to have your only son survive
hale and hearty, sir, when you're gone yourself, I implore
you, sir, by your hoary hairs and by the one you dread, your
wife, sir--if you tell me any lie to-day, may she outlast
you by years and years, yes, sir, and you die a living death
with her alive.
Dem.
Per Dium Fidium quaeris: iurato mihi
video necesse esse eloqui quidquid roges.
proinde actutum istuc quid sit quod scire expetis
eloquere: ut ipse scibo, te faciam ut scias.
(laughing) You beg me by the very God of Truth. Once
under oath, I see I must tell you whatever you ask. Come
then, quick! Let me hear what you wish to know, and so far
as I know myself, I shall let you know.
Lib.
Die obsecro hercle serio quod te rogem,
cave mihi mendaci quicquam.
For God's sake, sir, do please answer my question seriously!
No lying to me, sir, mind that!
Dem.
Quin tu ergo rogas?
Then why not ask your question?
Lib.
Num me illuc ducis, ubi lapis lapidem terit?
(anxiously) You won't take me where stone rubs stone, sir?
Dem.
Quid istuc est? aut ubi istuc est terrarum loci?
What do you mean? Where in the world is that?
Lib.
Apud fustitudinas, ferricrepinas insulas,
ubi vivos homines mortui incursant boves.
There at the Clubbangian-Chainclangian Islands, sir, where
dead oxen attack living men.
Dem.
Modo pol percepi, Libane, quid istuc sit loci:
ubi fit polenta, te fortasse dicere.
(reflecting, then with a chuckle) Bless my soul! At last
I get your meaning, Libanus--the barley mill[A]: I daresay
that's the place you mention.
Lib.
Ah,
neque hercle ego istuc dico nec dictum volo,
teque obsecro hercle, ut quae locutu's despuas.
(in grotesque terror) Oh Lord, no! I'm not mentioning
that, and I don't want it mentioned, either, and for the
love of heaven, sir, do spit away that word!
Dem.
Fiat, geratur mos tibi.
(spitting) All right. Anything to humour you.
Lib.
Age, age usque excrea.
Go on, sir, go on! Hawk it way up!
Dem.
Etiamne?
(spitting again) Will that do?
Lib.
Age quaeso hercle usque ex penitis faucibus,
etiam amplius.
Go on, sir, for God's sake, way from the bottom of your
gullet! (Demaenetus spits violently) Farther down still,
sir!
Dem.
Nam quo usque?
Eh? How far?
Lib.
Usque ad mortem volo.
(half aside) To the door of death, I hope.
Dem.
Cave sis malam rem.
(angrily) Kindly look out, my man, look out!
Lib.
Uxoris dico, non tuam.
(hastily) Your wife's, sir, I mean, not yours.
Dem.
Dono te ob istuc dictum, ut expers sis metu.
(laughing) Never fear--for that remark I grant you
immunity.
Lib.
Di tibi dent quaecumque optes.
And heaven grant you all your prayers, sir.
Dem.
Redde operam mihi.
cur hoc ego ex te quaeram? aut cur miniter tibi
propterea quod me non scientem feceris?
aut cur postremo filio suscenseam,
patres ut faciunt ceteri?
Now listen to me for a change. Why should I ask you about
this? Or threaten you because you haven't informed me? Or
for that matter, why should I fly into a rage at my son,
as other fathers do?
Lib.
Quid istuc novi est?
demiror quid sit et quo evadat sum in metu.
(aside) Hm! What's this surprise? Wonder what it means!
Where it will end is what scares me.
Dem.
Equidem scio iam, filius quod amet meus
istanc meretricem e proxumo Philaenium.
estne hoc ut dico, Libane?
As a matter of fact, I know already that my son has an
affair with that wench, Philaenium, next door. Isn't that
so, Libanus?
Lib.
Rectam instas viam.
ea res est. sed eum morbus invasit gravis.
You're on the right track, sir. That's how it is. But he has
suffered a severe shock.
Dem.
Quid morbi est?
Shock? What?
Lib.
Quia non suppetunt dictis data.
Well, his presents are falling short of his promises.
Dem.
Tune es adiutor nunc amanti filio?
Are you aiding my son in this amour?
Lib.
Sum vero, et alter noster est Leonida.
Indeed I am, sir, and so is my mate, your servant Leonida.
Dem.
Bene hercle facitis et a me initis gratiam.
verum meam uxorem, Libane, nescis qualis sit?
Well, well, my lad, thanks! You are both earning my
gratitude. But (looking cautiously around) my wife,
Libanus, don't you know her temperament?
Lib.
Tu primus sentis, nos tamen in pretio sumus.
(with certainty) You feel it first, sir, but we get plenty
of it.
Dem.
Fateor eam esse importunam atque incommodam.
(awkwardly) I confess that she is ... high-handed and ...
hard to get along with.
Lib.
Posterius istuc dicis quam credo tibi.
I believe that before you speak a word, sir.
Dem.
Omnes parentes, Libane, liberis suis
qui mi auscultabunt, facient obsequellam
quippe qui mage amico utantur gnato et benevolo.
atque ego me id facere studeo, volo amari a meis;
(with an air of profound moral conviction) Libanus,
all parents who take my advice will be a bit indulgent to
their children, seeing it makes a son more friendly and
affectionate. Yes, and I am anxious to be so myself. I
wish to be loved by my own flesh and blood;
volo me patris mei similem, qui causa mea
nauclerico ipse ornatu per fallaciam
quam amabam abduxit ab lenone mulierem;
neque puduit eum id aetatis sycophantias
struere et beneficiis me emere gnatum suom sibi.
eos me decretumst persequi mores patris.
I wish to model myself on my own father who dressed up as
a shipmaster for my sake and swindled a slave-dealer out
of a girl I was in love with. He felt no shame at going in
for hocus-pocus at his time of life, and buying his son's
affection, mine, by his kindnesses. These methods of my
father's I have resolved to follow out myself.
nam me hodie oravit Argyrippus filius,
uti sibi amanti facerem argenti copiam;
et id ego percupio obsequi gnato meo.
quamquam illum mater arte contenteque habet,
patres ut consueverunt: ego mitto omnia haec.
Well now, this very day my boy Argyrippus begged me to
supply him with some money, saying he was in love: and I
heartily desire to oblige the dear lad. No matter if his
mother does keep a firm, tight rein on him and play the
ordinary father's part, none of that for me.
praesertim quom is me dignum quoi concrederet
habuit, me habere honorem eius ingenio decet;
quom me adiit, ut pudentem gnatum acquomst patrem,
cupio esse amicae quod det argentum suae.
And seeing he has regarded me as worthy of his confidence,
I have special reason to respect his inclinations. Now that
he has applied to me, as a respectful son should to his
father, I am desirous that he should have some money for
his mistress.
Lib.
Cupis id quod cupere te nequiquam intellego.
dotalem servom Sauream uxor tua
adduxit, cui plus in manu sit quam tibi.
You're desirous of something you'll desire in vain, sir,
I reckon. Your wife's brought along Saurea, that dower slave
of hers, to have more power than you.
Dem.
Argentum accepi, dote imperium vendidi.
nunc verba in pauca conferam quid te velim.
viginti iam usust filio argenti minis:
face id ut paratum iam sit.
(bitterly) Sold myself! Gave up my authority for a dowry!
(pause) Now, in a word, here is what I want of you. My son
needs eighty pounds at once: will you see it is procured
at once.
Lib.
Unde gentium?
Where in the world from?
Dem.
Me defraudato.
Cheat me out of it.
Lib.
Maxumas nugas agis:
nudo detrahere vestimenta me iubes.
defraudem te ego? age sis, tu sine pennis vola.
tene ego defraudem, cui ipsi nihil est in manu,
nisi quid tu porro uxorem defraudaveris?
What awful nonsense you do talk! You're telling me to strip
the clothes off a naked man. I cheat you out of it? Come,
sir, will you kindly fly without wings! I cheat you out of
it, when you don't own a thing, unless you've played the
same game and cheated your wife out of something?
Dem.
Qua me, qua uxorem, qua tu servom Sauream
potes, circumduce, aufer; promitto tibi
non offuturum, si id hodie effeceris.
Well, me, or my wife, or servant Saurea--do your best,
swindle us, rook us, I promise you your interests won't
suffer, if you accomplish this to-day.
Lib.
Iubeas una opera me piscari in aere,
venari autem rete iaculo in medio mari.
You might as well order me to go a-fishing in the air, yes,
and to take my casting net and do some deep sea--hunting.
Dem.
Tibi optionem sumito Leonidam,
fabricare quidvis, quidvis comminiscere:
perficito, argentum hodie ut habeat filius,
amicae quod det.
Have Leonida for your adjutant: manufacture something,
devise something--anything: see you get the money to-day
for my son to give his girl.
Lib.
Quid ais tu, Demaenete?
Look here.
Dem.
Quid vis?
Well?
Lib.
Si forte in insidias devenero,
tun redimes me, si me hostes interceperint?
Suppose I happen to fall into an ambuscade, ransom me, will
you, if I'm intercepted by the enemy?
Dem.
Redimam.
I will.
Lib.
Tum tu igitur aliud cura quid lubet.
ego eo ad forum, nisi quid vis.
(after a pause, airily) Well then, in that case you
may dismiss the matter from your mind. I'm off to the forum,
unless you want me further.
Dem.
Ei, bene ambula.
atque audin etiam?
Go ahead! A pleasant stroll to you! (Libanus walks away)
And I say,--listening still, are you?
Lib.
Ecce.
(pertly, without turning) Behold me!
Dem.
Si quid te volam,
ubi eris?
If I want you for anything, where will you be?
Lib.
Ubicumque libitum erit animo meo
profecto nemo est quem iam dehinc metuam mihi
ne quid nocere possit, cum tu mihi tua
oratione omnem animum ostendisti tuom
quin te quoque ipsum facio haud magni, si hoc patro.
pergam quo occepi atque ibi consilia exordiar.
Precisely where it pleases my fancy. (half aside) I tell
you what, from now on I won't be scared of a man alive, for
fear he can do me any harm, after your showing me all the
secrets of your soul. Why, you won't count for much with me
your own self, either, if I carry this through. (setting
off again) I'll go along to where I was bound and lay my
plans there.
Dem.
Audin tu? apud Archibulum ego ero argentarium.
Look here! I shall be at banker Archibulus's.
Lib.
Nempe in foro?
In the forum, you mean?
Dem.
Ibi, si quid opus fuerit.
Yes, there,--if anything's needed.
Lib.
Meminero.
(nonchalantly) I'll keep it in mind.
[EXIT Libanus TO FORUM.
Dem.
Non esse servos peior hoc quisquam potest
nec magis versutus nec quo ab caveas aegrius
eidem homini, si quid recte curatum velis,
mandes: moriri sese misere mavolet,
quam non perfectum reddat quod promiserit.
A more rascally servant than this of mine can't be found, or
a wilier one, or one harder to guard against. But he's just
your man to commit a matter to, if you want it well managed:
he'd prefer to expire in pain and torment rather than fail
to fulfil his promise to the letter.
nam ego illud argentum tam paratum filio
scio esse quam me hunc scipionem contui.
sed quid ego cesso ire ad forum, quo inceperam?
atque ibi manebo apud argentarium.
Why, I'm just as confident that that money is in store for
my son as that I've got my eyes on this cane here. But I
must be off to the forum, where I was going. Yes, and I'll
wait there at the banker's. [EXIT Demaenetus.
I. 2.
Scene 2.
ENTER Argyrippus PRECIPITATELY FROM HOUSE OF Cleareta.
Argyr.
Sicine hoc fit? foras aedibus me eici?
promerenti optume hocin preti redditur?
bene merenti mala es, male merenti bona es;
at malo cum tuo, nam iam ex hoc loco
ibo ego ad tres viros vostraque ibi nomina
faxo erunt, capitis te perdam ego et filiam,
perlecebrae, permities, adulescentum exitium.
nam mare haud est mare, vos mare acerrumum;
nam in mari repperi, his elavi bonis.
(violently to those within) So that's the way, is it?
Thrown out of doors, am I? This is my reward for all the
good turns I've done you, eh? Evil for good and good for
evil is your system. But it will be evil for you! I'll go
direct from here to the police and leave your names with
'em. I'll humble you and your daughter! You decoys, you
destroyers, you wreckers of young fellows! Why, the sea's
no sea: you are--the wildest sea of all! Why at sea I made
my money, here I am cleaned out of it.
ingrata atque inrita esse omnia intellego
quae dedi et quod bene feci, at posthac tibi
male quod potero facere faciam, meritoque id faciam tuo.
ego pol te redigam eodem unde orta es, ad egestatis terminos,
ego edepol te faciam ut quae sis nunc et quae fueris scias.
All I've given you and all I've done for you gets no thanks,
goes for nothing, I find: but after this all I can do
against you I'll do, and do it with good reason. By the
Lord, I'll put you down where you came from, the depths of
destitution, I will. By heaven, I'll make you appreciate
what you are now and what you were.
quae prius quam istam adii atque amans ego animum meum isti dedi,
sordido vitam oblectabas pane in pannis inopia,
atque ea si erant, magnas habebas omnibus dis gratias;
eadem nunc, cum est melius, me, cuius opera est, ignoras mala,
reddam ego te ex fera fame mansuetem, me specta modo.
You, who before I courted that girl of yours and offered her
my loving heart, used to regale yourself on coarse bread in
rags and poverty: yes, and gave hearty thanks to Heaven, if
you got your bread and rags. Yet here you are, now that you
are better off, snubbing me that made you so, curse you!
I'll tame you down, you wild beast, by the famine treatment:
trust me for that.
nam isti quid succenseam ipsi? nihil est, nihil quicquam meret;
tuo facit iussu, tuo imperio paret: mater tu. eadem era es.
te ego ulciscar, te ego ut digna es perdam atque ut de me meres,
at scelesta viden ut ne id quidem, me dignum esse existumat
quem adeat, quem conloquatur quoique irato supplicet?
As for that girl of yours, why should I be angry with her?
She's done nothing, she's not at all to blame. It is your
dictates she follows, your orders she obeys: you're mother
and mistress both. You're the one I'll have revenge on;
you're the one I'll ruin as you deserve, as your behaviour
to me merits. (pauses and glares at house) But d'ye see
how the wretch doesn't even think it worth while to come to
me, talk with me, go on her knees to me, when I'm in a rage?
atque eccam inlecebra exit tandem; opinor hic ante ostium
meo modo loquar quae volam, quoniam intus non licitum est mihi.
(Cleareta's door opens) Ah, there she is coming out at
last, the decoy! I wager I'll have my full say in my own
fashion out in front of the door here, seeing I couldn't
do it inside.
I. 3.
Scene 3.
ENTER Cleareta FROM HOUSE.
Cle.
Unum quodque istorum verbum nummis Philippis aureis
non potest auferre hinc a me si quis emptor venerit;
nec recte quae tu in nos dicis, aurum atque argentum merumst:
fixus hic apud nos est animus tuos clavo Cupidinis.
remigio veloque quantum poteris festina et fuge:
quam magis te in altum capessis, tam aestus te in portum refert.
(calmly and pleasantly) Not a single one of those words
do I part with for golden sovereigns, not if some purchaser
comes along: uncomplimentary remarks about us from you are
good coin of the realm. Your heart is fastened to us here
with one of Cupid's spikes through it. Out with oar and up
with sail, speed your fastest and scud away: the more you
put out to sea, the more the tide brings you back to harbour.
Argyr.
Ego pol istum portitorem privabo portorio;
ego te dehinc ut merita es de me et mea re tractare exsequar,
quom tu med ut meritus sum non tractas atque eicis domo.
(grimly) By the Lord, I'll hold back that harbour master's
harbour dues; from this time forth you'll get the treatment
you merit of me and my exchequer, for this unmerited
treatment of me, this turning me out of the house.
Cle.
Magis istuc percipimus lingua dici, quam factis fore.
(lightly) Such things are easier said than done, I observe.
Argyr.
Solus solitudine ego ted atque ab egestate abstuli;
solus si ductem, referre gratiam numquam potes.
I, and I alone, am the man that rescued you from loneliness
and destitution; even if I should take the girl for myself
alone, you'd still be in my debt.
Cle.
Solus ductato, si semper solus quae poscam dabis;
semper tibi promissum habeto hac lege, dum superes datis.
Take her for yourself alone, if you alone will always
give me what I demand. You can always be sure of her--on
condition your presents are the biggest.
Argyr.
Qui modus dandi? nam numquam tu quidem expleri potes;
modo quom accepisti, haud multo post aliquid quod poscas paras.
And what end to the presents? Why, you can never be sated.
Now you get something, and a minute later you're devising
some new demand.
Cle.
Quid modist ductando, amando? numquamne expleri potes?
modo remisisti, continuo iam ut remittam ad te rogas.
And what end to the taking her, to the lovey-doveying? Can
you never be sated? Now you have sent her back to me, and
the next instant you're crying for me to send her back to
you.
Argyr.
Dedi equidem quod mecum egisti.
Well, I paid you what we agreed on.
Cle.
Et tibi ego misi mulierem:
par pari datum hostimentumst, opera pro pecunia.
And I let you have the girl: my policy has been fair give
and take--services rendered for cash.
Argyr.
Male agis mecum.
You're using me shamefully.
Cle.
Quid me accusas, si facio officium meum?
nam neque fictum usquamst neque pictum neque scriptum in poematis
ubi lena bene agat cum quiquam amante, quae frugi esse volt.
Why find fault with me for doing my plain duty? Why, nowhere
in stone, paint, or poem is a lady in my line portrayed as
using any lover well--if she wants to get on.
Argyr.
Mihi quidem te parcere aequomst tandem, ut tibi durem diu.
(appealingly) You really ought to use me sparingly,
though, so that I may last you a long time.
Cle.
Non tu scis? quae amanti parcet, eadem sibi parcet parum.
quasi piscis, itidemst amator lenae: nequam est, nisi recens;
is habet sucum, is suavitatem, eum quo vis pacto condias
vel patinarium vel assum, verses quo pacto lubet:
is dare volt, is se aliquid posci, nam ibi de pleno promitur;
(coolly) You miss the point? The lady that spares her
lover spares herself too little. Lovers are the same as fish
to us--no good unless they're fresh. Your fresh ones are
juicy and sweet; you can season them to taste in a stew,
bake them, and turn them every way. Your fresh one wants to
give you things, wants to be asked for something: in his
case it all comes from a full cupboard, you see;
neque ille scit quid det, quid damni faciat: illi rei studet,
volt placere sese amicae, volt mihi, volt pedisequae,
volt famulis, volt etiam ancillis; et quoque catulo meo
subblanditur novos amator, se ut quom videat gaudeat.
vera dico: ad suom quemque hominem quaestum esse aequomst callidum.
and he has no idea what he's giving, what it costs him.
This is his only thought: he wants to please, please his
girl, please me, please the waiting-woman, please the men
servants, please the maid servants, too: yes, the new lover
makes up to my little dog, even, so that he may be glad to
see him. This is the plain truth: every one ought to keep a
sharp eye for the main chance.
Argyr.
Perdidici istaec esse vera damno cum magno meo.
I have thoroughly learned the truth of that, and a pretty
penny it's cost me.
Cle.
Si ecastor nunc habeas quod des, alia verba praehibeas;
nunc quia nihil habes, maledictis te eam ductare postulas.
Tut, tut! If you had anything left to give us, your language
would be different; now that you have nothing, you expect to
get her by abuse.
Argyr.
Non meum est.
That's not my way.
Cle.
Nec meum quidem edepol, ad te ut mittam gratiis.
verum aetatis atque honoris gratia hoc fiet tui,
quia nobis lucro fuisti potius quam decori tibi:
si mihi dantur duo talenta argenti numerata in manum,
hanc tibi noctem honoris causa gratiis dono dabo.
Nor mine, sir, to let you have her gratis--mercy, no! But,
considering your youth and our high regard for you, this
shall be done, seeing you have been more of an income to us
than a credit to yourself: just hand me over (casually)
four hundred pounds in cash and you shall have this evening
with her, in token of said high regard, as a free gift from
me.
Argyr.
Quid si non est?
What if I haven't it?
Cle.
Tibi non esse credam, illa alio ibit tamen.
(smiling, but firm) I'll give you credit--that you haven't
it: the girl shall go to some one else, however.
Argyr.
Ubi illaec quae dedi ante?
Where is what I gave you before?
Cle.
Abusa. nam si ea durarent mihi,
mulier mitteretur ad te, numquam quicquam poscerem.
diem aquam solem lunam noctem, haec argento non emo:
ceterum quae volumus uti Graeca mercamur fide.
Spent. Why, if it had lasted, you should have your lady,
and not a thing would I be asking for. Daylight, water,
sunlight, moonlight, darkness--for these things I have to
pay no money: everything else we wish to use we purchase on
Greek credit.
quom a pistore panem petimus, vinum ex oenopolio.
si aes habent, dant mercem: eadem nos discipulina utimur.
semper oculatae manus sunt nostrae, credunt quod vident.
vetus est: "nihili coactiost"--scis cuius. non dico amplius.
When we go to the baker for bread, to the vintner for
wine, their rule is commodities for cash: we use the same
system ourselves. Our hands have eyes always: seeing is
believing with them. As the old proverb has it: "There's
no getting"--you know what. I say no more.
Argyr.
Aliam nunc mi orationem despoliato praedicas,
longe aliam, inquam, praebes nunc atque olim, quom dabam,
aliam atque olim, quom inliciebas me ad te blande ac benedice.
tum mi aedes quoque arridebant, cum ad te veniebam, tuae;
me unice unum ex omnibus te atque illam amare aibas mihi;
It's a different sort of eloquence you use on me now I've
been fleeced, very different, I say, from that former sort
when I was giving you things, different from that former
sort when you were luring me on with your smooth, suave
talk. Then your very house used to be wreathed in smiles,
when I turned up. You used to say I was the one and only
love in all the world for you and her.
ubi quid dederam, quasi columbae pulli in ore ambae meo
usque eratis, meo de studio studia erant vostra omnia,
usque adhaerebatis: quod ego iusseram, quod volueram
faciebatis, quod nolebam ac votueram, de industria
fugiebatis, neque conari id facere audebatis prius.
nunc neque quid velim neque nolim facitis magni, pessumae.
After I'd given you anything the both of you used to keep
hanging on my lips like a pair of young doves. Whatever I
fancied, you fancied, and nothing else. You used to keep
clinging to me. I ordered a thing, wished a thing,--you used
to do it: I disliked a thing, forbade a thing,--you used to
take pains to avoid doing it: you didn't dare attempt to do
it then. Now you don't care tuppence what I like, or don't
like, you vile wretches!
Cle.
Non tu scis? hic noster quaestus aucupi simillimust.
auceps quando concinnavit aream, offundit cibum;
aves adsuescunt: necesse est facere sumptum qui quaerit lucrum;
saepe edunt: semel si sunt captae, rem solvent aucupi.
itidem his apud nos: aedes nobis area est, auceps sum ego,
esca est meretrix, lectus inlex est, amatores aves;
(still cheerfully superior) You miss the point? This
profession of ours is a great deal like bird-catching. The
fowler, when he has his fowling-floor prepared, spreads food
around; the birds become familiarized: you must spend money,
if you wish to make money. They often get a meal: but once
they get caught they recoup the fowler. It is quite the same
with us here: our house is the floor, I am the fowler, the
girl the bait, the couch the decoy, the lovers the birds.
bene salutando consuescunt, compellando blanditer,
osculando, oratione vinnula, venustula.
si papillam pertractavit, haud est ab re aucupis;
savium si sumpsit, sumere eum licet sine retibus.
haecine te esse oblitum, in ludo qui fuisti tam diu?
They become familiar through pleasant greetings, pretty
speeches, kisses, cooey, captivating little whispers. If he
cuddles her close in his arms, well, no harm to the fowler.
If he takes a naughty kind of kiss, he can be taken himself,
and no net needed. You to forget all this, and so long in
the school, too?
Argyr.
Tua ista culpa est, quae discipulum semidoctum abs te amoves.
It's your fault, if I have: you expelled your pupil when he
was half taught.
Cle.
Remeato audacter, mercedem si eris nactus; nunc abi.
Trot along back to us boldly, if you find the tuition fee:
for the present run away. (turns to go in)
Argyr.
Mane, mane, audi. dic, quid me aequom censes pro illa tibi dare,
annum hunc ne cum quiquam alio sit?
Wait, wait, listen! Tell me, what do you think I ought to
give you to have her all to myself this next year?
Cle.
Tene? viginti minas;
atque ea lege: si alius ad me prius attulerit, tu vale.
(laughingly) What? You? (after a pause) Eighty pounds:
yes, and on this condition--if some one else brings me the
money before you do, good-bye to you. (again turning to go)
Argyr.
At ego est etiam prius quam abis quod volo loqui.
But there's something more I want to say before you go.
Cle.
Dic quod lubet.
Say on, anything.
Argyr.
Non omnino iam perii, est relicuom quo peream magis.
habeo unde istuc tibi quod poscis dem; sed in leges meas
dabo, uti scire possis, perpetuom annum hunc mihi uti serviat
nec quemquam interea alium admittat prorsus quam me ad se virum.
I'm not entirely ruined yet: there is a balance left for
further ruin. I can give you what you ask. But I'll give it
to you on my own terms, and here they are--she's to be at my
disposal this whole next year through, and all that time not
a single man but me is to come near her.
Cle.
Quin, si tu voles, domi servi qui sunt castrabo viros.
postremo ut voles nos esse, syngraphum facito adferas;
ut voles, ut tibi lubebit, nobis legem imponito:
modo tecum una argentum adferto, facile patiar cetera.
portitorum simillumae sunt ianuae lenoniae:
si adfers, tum patent, si non est quod des, aedes non patent.
(cheerfully ironical) Why, if you choose, I'll change
all the men servants in the house to maids. In short, bring
along a contract stating how you wish us to behave. All you
desire, all you like,--impose your own terms on us: only
bring along the money, too; the rest is easy for me. Our
doors are much like those of a custom house: pay your fee,
and they are open: if you can't, they are--(going into
house and closing the door in his face with a provoking
laugh) not open.
Argyr.
Interii, si non invenio ego illas viginti minas,
et profecto, nisi illud perdo argentum, pereundum est mihi.
nunc pergam ad forum atque experiar opibus, omni copia,
supplicabo, exobsecrabo ut quemque amicum videro,
dignos indignos adire atque experiri certumst mihi,
nam si mutuas non potero, certumst sumam faenore.
(drearily) It's all over with me, if I don't get hold of
that eighty pounds: yes, one thing is sure, that money
goes to pot, or else my life must. (a pause, then with
animation) I'll off to the forum this moment and try
to raise it by every means in my power: I'll entreat,
ex-supplicate every friend I see. Good and bad--I'll up
and try them all, I'm resolved on that: and if I can't get
it as a friendly loan, I'm resolved to borrow it at usury. [EXIT Argyrippus.
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